Frozen

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I spent months trying to understand, trying desperately to love. At first, thinking I might be in love with you, but it felt like I was drowning, the water was warm so it almost felt cold not at all enjoyable. But then, you said, "Please, give us a try", and it was like the warm water turned to ice and lungs started to jam up and I couldn't breathe. I was struggling, kicking, failing to get to the top, because my heart felt dead. My limbs felt frozen in place, and I have no clue how I reached the surface. But I did, and the first breath I took was so painful, and the second, and the third. Eventually, I could hold myself up but I was still shivering for a while, even after I dragged myself out of that water. I spent 6 months, trying desperately to pull myself up, I was frozen all over.

 Though you’re on the other side of the world, you keep coming back, keep torturing me, keep winding me up.

 I realize I can’t pretend that you mean anything to me, I can't love you more than what we are, Friends. Why can't we just be friends? Best of Friends? Ain't that more worth the pain than we trying to fix something that was never broken to begin with.

 If you are reading this, you should know that I do love you, as a friend. You deserve someone who would love you for you and only you.

 I can't live my life like this. Feeling sorry. Pretending, like its working out for us, I can't.. You know it too. Stop pushing love on me.. If its there.. if its meant to be.. love will find its way back.. but for the time being, I would love it if you and I be best of friends.

 I can’t keep drowning for you.

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