Life is Irrecoverably Wasted ...

LOVE IS NOT SELF-SEEKING. Being possessive is thought by many to be love, and in some few cases, where the other has lost their self esteem, it appears to be for them too. You can lose your loved one very quickly by being possessive because you choke them to death. Have you ever been somewhere that is so hot that you want to rip your clothes off? You can’t wait to get cool. It is stifling. The sweat is trickling down your body. You are burning from inside. You want to scream. And then, the cold shower feels blissful. Well that’s exactly how the one you possess feels. You are stifling your partner and they cannot wait to fling you away. People who possess, don’t love. They just want to own. Like some antique art - something to admire. Something only they have, and no one else shall have it. The possessive person has an illness too. It is the lack of their own beauty - their own perfection, thus they must own someone else. They must own someone else so they can r...

Love is PATIENT, love is KIND. It does not ENVY, it does not BOAST, it is not PROUD. It is not RUDE, it is not SELF-SEEKING, it is not easily ANGERED, it keeps no record of WRONGS. Love does not delight in EVIL but rejoices with the TRUTH. It always PROTECTS, always TRUSTS, always HOPES, always PERSEVERES. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE. LOVE DOES NOT ENVY. Jealousy is an illness and should be treated as such, but how would one treat the manifestation of an underlying cause? Well the cause of jealousy is lack of self worth. That’s right. You have let your self esteem go. How did you allow this jealousy to happen to you? It wasn’t a sudden thing. Jealousy creeps up on you and soon you give more value to the one you love than to yourself. You think your life can’t exist without him/her. Well it usually starts out with that first wham bang, thank you ma’am fit of passionate sex, where you lose your own identity into the loved ...

I remember when you butterflied me. It was a beautiful day, was sunny and warm. I remember all those words which had never become a one single act. I remember all those promises which made my heart beat fast, you didn't keep any of them. I remember your eyes, that time I had no idea they were full of fears. I still remember you, after all this time I remember your laugh, your smile. I remember all those nights when I was thinking of you if you were thinking of me too. I remember those pangs of guilt "wasn't I good enough", I remember our conversation and then I was torturing myself "why I even did say that?". I remember our last goodbye, you knew it was the last one, I thought it meant "we'll see tomorrow". I remember all those days when I needed you badly and you were away or maybe with someone else. I remember the pain you made me to feel. I remember my lonely bed. I remember too the first day without you. I remem...

I remember... The moment I first saw you When I first looked into your eyes I felt a tremor,pass down my spine But you remained unaffected. I remember... The other times Fate put us together. The many efforts I made To reach out to you But you remained indifferent. I remember... How desperate I felt When I did not feel your presence near, When I tried to let you know how much I yearned for you. But you never seemed to care. I remember... The day you were leaving And I saw you passing by.. My eyes brimming with unshed tears, Wondering if you would take me along. But you never noticed. I remember... The tumult I felt within me Waiting to reveal my feelings to you, wanting to probe into Your silence And then... I felt your eyelids rise.. The time stood still when you stopped and nodded. And I understood you cared.

People get stuck in moments of the past in their present. Heart's break and don’t fix in their original form. After the first stitch and fix it feels second hand. Love is the fix which rejuvenates. It is nothing easy as is written in Fairytales and Shakespeare’s plays. It is not cheap like they show it in television serials and soaps. It is the greatest asset of a human life bestowed upon by the Almighty and it is heavier than any metal, expensive than any object and more real than any reality that has occurred in each of our lives. Yes my heart, you sure have to look at yourself again and open up to love. One of my friend said “love is being at war, hence all is fair in love and war”. There is the fight indeed but it has no blood shed or loss. The fight is for holding on, to get the love one desires and keep it. There is no fight for letting go, if you were wronged and it wasn’t meant to be, why blame love of the agony? The hardest thing I have ever experienced i...

Last night I couldn’t sleep…the insomniac in me decided to pay me a visit and I was wide awake while everyone in town was fast asleep. My mind wandered, wandered to the distant past when I slept in peace, without a care…a child with happy dreams and a world waiting to unravel before me. What have I become? Over the years, I have turned into a restless, sleep-deprived, hopeless junkie of some sorts. Now I wanna run away from that same world I so anticipated. Something is eating me alive. And I don’t know what it is. Maybe I lost my way. Maybe I have become immune to what most people call building a future or living a ‘normal’ life is. I don’t follow the norm anyways. yeah I’m an abnormal girl..some kind of beast that the ‘normal’ crowd won’t appreciate. Not that I care anyways. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Neither do I know what keeps me going somehow. Sometimes I feel this is all a bore, a pseudo drama that needs to be staged in order to get by…to be equal…to be accepted. But why...

I cannot escape you no matter how many times I turn around I see you there looking back at me your beautiful face too tempting to resist your smile too wonderful to deny. Not a day goes by that you don’t cross my mind. Try as I might to shut you out I’m powerless against the stray thoughts that wander in when my mind is quiet or when my heart is in need of a smile. I need to forget you I need to find a different path but you made me so happy and loved me so openly that I can never forget what we shared. Even if the years push us apart and time fades those joyful memories I feel drawn to you lost in you and hopelessly entranced by you. I know you found your happiness even in the arms of another No matter if the vision destroys me slowly I know you deserve something more than an absentee lover waiting to take you home. Just know that around every corner I turn I will see you looking back Your face both beautiful and haunting a welcome image of a broken heart. I cherish our memories...

“You should never pass up a chance to let someone know how much they mean to you”… There are so many moments in our lives when a little reminder and a few precious words would work wonders. I hope this is one of these times, because I want you to know how wonderful you are… to me. There are days when I think of you - and of how important you are to my life - and I think to myself, “You know, I really should be sharing these precious feeling and not keeping them all inside.” Why don’t I share my thoughts more often? I guess that I keep waiting for the perfect time and place to tell you what I wish I could say… Maybe its just that I’d love to talk with you, face to smiling face, and be reassured by your acceptance and understanding before I venture out on a limb to say some of the things I keep in the deepest part of my heart. But I’d like t start today by just saying thanks… for everything. Thank you for being such a steady and joyful light in my life. Thank you for being a blessi...

A city falls asleep, I lay awake Running through mistakes I made Words I didn’t say There’s nothing to feel These holes that you left I’m trapped inside them lost and broken In these steps Without you I forgotten who I am I’m learning how to live all over again Everything I see reminds me of you I keep waiting for you I keep reaching for you I keep waiting I keep waiting for you I can’t move forward I keep waiting I keep waiting for you I can’t retrace these footsteps you left I’m walking down this road again This road that never ends And I walk alone with your voice in my head Hunting me and telling me I won’t see you again Holding up these walls that are caving in Got pictures in my mind that I can’t forget Everything I see leads back to you But one day I will walk away From these twisted games that I play And I start to move forward again All the starts that light the sky Looking at me with your eyes I know I shouldn’t but I’m waiting for you

Its a little too late for you to know, the plans i had for you. Been a little too long since we last meet, I can hardly remember all i regret. All of those times we felt alive, thought I had everything. We’re moving on to everywhere, but none of us have yet to see. Everyone around me is chasing after something, leaving their homes behind. Into almost nothing, chasing after something to put there hearts behind. We are not the same we both can say, that’s all we have in common today. I know you think it is all a lie, but I want you to come and see me for me. I can picture me without you, see life and chase it though.

Today I shall take the liberty to narrate my realizations, which took their time and moments to create and build up to where they are now. Mostly on the line of romance and mush, so those who'll get bored (or think it is a hopeless romantic confession) may leave now! 1. It is very natural and possible that you will never forget your first love; which is why it makes so special. When it is the first you put in everything to make it perfect and lasting and hence go in very deep. You can't seem to see a life beyond it; its the best until its over then you hurt like you've never hurt before. 2. Eventually after you are toppled over from a love you thought would last a lifetime, you learn to love again , but you love differently this time. You will love more carefully more cautiously, just know that there is always so much more love waiting for you, but no matter how many loves come in, it will never be like your first (even if you have packed it and chained it). 3...

to see my self clearly is such a daunting task but i will face it dearly i just don't think i'll last. Its time for me to take a step outside and determine why im this way and i'll never change I Its time for me to find why im so inside. well its time for me to fly. To see you clearly is so easy for me to do I just wish I could see me how you do Then everything would be brand new.

I am undone A little rough around the edges Hearing stories of the hours past And the hour glass we raised The one I tried to chase We talk too much A million words Meaning nothing at all Telling stories of nothing real It's never how we feel And they say time is how we heal I can't see you I can't breathe you in no If I do I'd never leave again I love the concrete It's my city grass beneath my feet And walks with strangers Hundreds of years My senior It's not that I can relate It's just the little things that make me hate The age I am And the way we are And it all comes back to

Dear Papa, I may get married to some man some day in the future. I will start to love him and care for him and make him part of my life. But let me tell you something. No matter who I marry and fall in love with, no matter if my son is cuter and hard to resist, you’ll be the only man I’ll love, until forever ends mwah!

Funny, with all that had just happened.. in less than 2 hours, I still can't find time to cry. Was this something I was prepared for? I lost a friend today. (no she's didn't die, she still breathing as I write this) I never thought the day would ever come, losing her trust worst thing that could ever happen. Losing her as a friend, even worst. No one to be blame but me myself and I. ='( Well, deal with it. Life's goes on. For that friend, if you are reading this I'm sorry you are hurting, and I'm sorry you are going through such a horrible time in life. I wanna Thank You for all the kind thoughts, wisdom, memories and love shared. Thank You so much for everything. I wish you a good life ahead, for you deserve better so much better. If we should cross path someday, I hope a simple smile won't hurt.. You have been such a wonderful part of my life. -me As much as it hurts not to see her and have a proper goodbye.. Until then this will have to do. Goodbye ...

Why is it I forget? Why do I have it and yet not avail it? What makes me so ungrateful? so blind? so complaining? Don't I see those who are less fortunate than me? Who don't have what I have and yet I see what I don't? Does my need and want qualify as the ultimate? Should I not be happy with what God has blessed me with? How many kids grow up being eligible adults? How many kids grow up with parents on their side? How many kids can look up for help and get that when needed? How many people have a penny to spend for their comfort? How many can smell the fresh air and sleep on clean sheets? How many own more than a pair of shoes? How many questions are there that will open my eyes to the reality of me? I feel so disgusting. A lot of the days. Where all I do is sit and complain. Every day I am getting a chance to rewrite my destiny. My story hasn't ended and I behave as if it has already. People come, people go that really doesn't count for misery. T...

1. God. Work. Family. 3 most important things in my life 2. I will do everything to be a medical doctor. Even if it means giving you up. 3. But then again, I don't want to lose you. 4. I want you to be happy Comfortable with me. Honest with me. Tell me everything that bugs you, even if it is about me. 5. I want to have Angelina Jolie, Rose Rollins or Adam Lambert. But I much rather have you. 6. My parents will love you. 7. I want my parents to know about us. I don't like lying to you. I don't like lying to them. 8. I'm scared to death with commitment. I will never cheat on you and stuff like that. But deep down inside, I'm still a crazy singleton. 9. Everyday. A day for God and I. My lover. 10. Everyday. A day for you and I. My other lover. 11. The only time I ever lied to you these past 4 months was the day you told me you loved me and didn't want to let me go. I told you I had 3 chocolate caramel bars, and ate them all already. I actua...

I crave you. Not in a way that asks for touch or romance, but in the quiet way the heart leans toward what feels like home.   I want to sit in your presence, to hear your voice, to watch your laughter unfold, to feel the calm of simply being near you. It’s the ache of wanting nothing except the comfort of your presence, the simple, painful beauty of holding space for your existence. Just as it is.

Someone once said, love does not walk away, people do. I will add, and they take love with them. It is like taking it out of an old box, folding it carefully, packing into a bag and taking it away from you. And you are left with nothing but pain, memories and a great feeling of a loss. A loss of something big. Something important. Something meaningful. Once it is gone, nothing else matters. The world is not the same anymore. You are not the same anymore. And you find yourself thinking… more. Retrospecting… more. Wondering… more. And months will go before finally you will be able to look back and realize how much time you have wasted just sitting there, sorting out the pieces of your heart according to the various degrees of pain you feel. And months will go before finally you will be able to let go and you finally give another someone a chance. But it will be months later. And for now, here you are, stuck in the past, wishing it was the present. Months will go befo...

When you love me, it makes me forget that anything could ever go wrong with us, in between us, even if it is just for a few minutes.

I haven’t been able to sit me down and ponder over one specific item in life. It seems my life is doing those item dances they do in movies (bollywood) it is engrossing and very rich but then thishhh it disappears without much information about how it came and where it went. Listening to some terrific oldies lately and I don’t meant old people, I mean old music and cherishing those days when they actually made good music. I am proud to say that I can differ between the noise and the music and at this very moment my song is ‘Sexy Sexy lover’ by Modern Talking. If you haven’t given it a hear do it now! I am someone with the most broken bones and yet I go on saying I know about how to keeps those bones from not breaking – wait did I call my heart a bone – ahh well why does it matter :D I sure don’t say I have degree in relationships, but I do have some awareness about how it should be kept and how it can keep sailing. Because seriously issues are your head mad...

Sometimes I feel my whole life is a dream. Not mine, maybe someone else’s. And then I wonder whose dream it might be and whether they are enjoying it. I wouldn’t say my life is very entertaining but it definitely takes some weird forms and shapes at times. Sometimes it is all pinky and happy, sometimes everything is dark around and I am trying to pull through, trying to find a way, trying to find myself. ..And Hansel said to Gretel, " Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home". Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things… Maybe only losing yourself is worse. I feel I am losing both. Losing the way on a journey called life might be really unfortunate. But if you lose reasons for the journey itself it is much more cruel. On this journey I am traveling alone. Sometimes there are others who would join and take the ride, sometimes they get closer to me than expected, sometimes I let them closer than necessary. Sometimes p...