Life is Irrecoverably Wasted ...

Once upon a very fine morning I wake up to a broken relationship and decide to head out in search of peace far from the place I was born in. I discuss the matter with my parents on the breakfast table and get glaring remarks from my dad for being so judgmental about the place I belong in. “Papa, I m not going forever, I just need my piece of mind.” Little that my parents knew, the broken relationship was just an excuse for me to make my way up up and beyond. Living within Pakistan was not wretched but I was unhappy with the pace I was moving in life and hence I wanted to explore. So I pack my bags and grab my ticket from Garry’s taking the first flight out of the country and landing into what they call ‘ the land of endless possibilities’ . One of the most bizarre experiences which revealed itself [and I noticed very late] was how other M'sian, living in Boston started to look at me. They were as alien as I was and yet being the adults with a much mature sense of living...

i'm disappointed in the outcome you're supposed to be my one and only i hope you're happy in your empty house that you have cleansed of me and it looks like you are glad you have made me very sad its a struggle just to let you go when you keep sneaking into my dreams acting like things are fine and dandy and it will be but im gonna need a little more time its a struggle just to let you go and i want to, i do wanna be over you its a struggle just to let you go im disappointed in the outcome you're supposed to be my one and only.

You used to hold the door for me Now you can't wait to leave You used to send me flowers If you fucked up in my dreams I used to make you laugh With all the silly shit I did But now you roll your eyes And walk away and shake your head When the spark has gone and the candles are out And the song is done and there's no more sound Whispers turn to yelling and I'm thinking How did we get so mean? How do we just move on? How do you feel in the morning When it comes and everything's undone? Is it 'cause we wanna be free? Well that's not me Normally I'm so strong I just can't wake up on the floor Like a thousand times before Knowing that forever won't be Always sentimental when I think of how it was When love was sweet and new And we just couldn't get enough The shower it reminds me You'd undress me with your eyes And now you never touch me And you tell me that you're tired You know I get so sad when it all goes bad And all you think about is al...

I don’t know where May went. He was looking really healthy and promising. He did hold my hand and we did manage a few walks. I shed a few pounds and of course the breeze invited the springs and blooms that left me feeling fragrant and fresh. But… It just started to run. Obnoxiously. Madly and out of control. I thought he held my hand to stroll with me and on the same track our pace suddenly differed. He ran past me and I couldn’t catch up. June was a funny girl. She made friends with me but she had a hot temper. Every time I caught up, she just glared at me and forced me to cut short my steps so that she could win and she did. Or maybe I let her win. A smart girl is always an envy but a hot tempered girl is someone I would rather kick in the butt than be envious of. So I let her go past me because she wasn’t worth all the trouble of cat fight. I think she died when she reached the 30th day of her life. Good riddens I don’t even wanna know how she died and what really happ...

She sits there in her empty space, surrounded by those having a life or so they say. She continues to look back on things she wished she had changed, but knows that that is irrelevant now. She contemplates on various things. She looks as the person she loves drifts from her heart; her best affair likes to be around a lot of people and have many friends, and she chooses to be distant, and digs into her pit of sorrows and finds her best friend no longer even makes contact. She just writes it off to things changed, and other taught and well fed life stories. She looks at a warm day and longs to be out in the nature, but as quick as the thought comes it goes and she falls back on the couch and buries herself into more depressing things. She feels as she cannot make herself happy, she cannot fulfill anyone else’s needs.. “I want to but I cannot, therefore I will not.” She keeps herself busy with work without which she would cross the line to insanity....

My experience and know how tells me that my mind is capable of many things, real and unreal both and yet, I use this gift of awareness so inadequately. I'm always limiting myself to doing what I know will yield some good and I without a second thought give up on that which I see bumps in. I so dislike myself to be so dictated by circumstances than my know-how. How is renouncing ever going to change the conviction? It takes time I know now and a lot of effort, and energy to do extremely well in things, to make things happen and though I am always into something willingly yet my mental presence is always not there. Instead I am always thinking of the "what ifs" and never thinking of what could be if I put in a little more effort and the applicable knowledge I have stored away. My head is always in the clouds and without doubt many outrageous fantasies dwell in my head... there are hopes, dreams, goals and destinations... and yet I never have the courage to ta...

I begin by counting the days, then the months. I don’t count anything anymore, except the hope that you will return, and the silent fear that in the years since we saw each other this distance—this awful distance, will have changed us both beyond reckoning. My love where are you? With hope I write to you… as I have always done. I am still waiting as I promised I would. But, I find myself alone and at the end of my wits. Today, after so many days I decided to go out for a walk. It was supposed to be a chilly night so I decided to wrap my favorite shawl around me before I headed out. Oddly enough, it took me 15 minutes to wrap it around myself. I stood there in front of the mirror; I would try to fix it but it just wouldn’t stay on my shoulders the right way. I was becoming increasingly frustrated since it was not the first time I was wearing this particular shawl. I finally just wrapped it around me however it could be wrapped and went out. It didn’t look the way I wanted...

I had a very honest conversation with one of my friends, actually with my male friend. A conversation about past relationships, future ones that will come someday and about the life now, how it is, how we take it and what we really want. I won't give you any conclusion or any smart direction how to find your happiness, cos I have no idea where to go to find it. It just made me to think about things I want from life, things that I look for in my future relationship. Well for sure I know what I don't want, but do I really know what I want. Maybe... I need a "spacious" relationship, with big dozen of independency, trust and loyalty, of course I didn't forget about love, passion and friendship. Maybe it's mission impossible? I don't know, but it's nice to have at least small idea of what you're still looking for. Seriously do we really have one, damn soul mate in this world? And the faith and destiny push us to this place, that one day we'll meet o...

If it's okay I'll leave the bed light on And place your water glass where it belongs And if alright I'll lie awake at night Pretending i'm curled up at your side See i'm circling these patterns Living out of memories I'm still a long way from accepting it That there's just no you and me But if i still believe you love me Maybe i'll survive So i tell myself you're coming home Like you've done a million times And if it's alright I'll still be loving you 'cause i can't break it to my heart Is it just me Did i commit a crime I won't believe that loving you Is just a waste of time Or was it in my head I'm reading into things that you never said 'cause i still don't have the answers To why we couldn't work it out I wanna think it's something that i did So i can turn it back around And nothing will come between us I wanna convince myself we're perfect in Every single way as long as i can keep The truth away fr...

If life is a balancing act then I am always falling in the net. Thank god for that safety net – but what if that safety net wasn’t there? Would I finally get my ass in gear and get it together? Would I suddenly become Super Woman: juggling career, love and life – all the while maintaining physical activity, nutritional eating and continuing to blog about all of life as I know it? Blogging has been something falling off the balancing beam lately – not because I love it any less, but because I can’t seem to find the time to blog – and then if I do have time I just don’t know what to say, my inspiration has gone and I think it’s because I know I should be doing something else – like working. And if I’m not working I just don’t feel like blogging – I feel like hanging out with my boyfriend, cuddling with my partner, or just doing something productive with my time. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? I subscribe to so many blogs that post nearly everyday, and I find myself skimming...

I am done, smoking gun We've lost it all, the love is gone She has won, now it's no fun We've lost it all, the love is gone And we had magic And this is tragic You couldn't keep your hands to yourself I feel like our world's been infected And somehow you left me neglected We've found our lives been changed Babe, you lost me And we cried, oh how we tried We lost ourselves, the love has died And though we tried you can't deny We're left as shells, we lost the fight Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet But you chose lust when you deceived me And you'll regret it, but it's too late How can I ever trust you again? Babe, you lost me

I sure hope you are all doing well in your cosy and comfortable lives. Today I shall open the windows and doors to the perception of people and their misconceptions about marriage. Yes as boring as it sounds, it is necessary to cater to these misconceptions or else the rate at which divorces are taking place, it will speed up double in a matter of years. The most important is the question "Are you Ready?" Now as simple as the question is, the reply is not a yes or no. Think Hard! Very Hard! Think long and hard before taking the plunge because it is a lifelong commitment which requires behavioral changes (which just have to happen). You must start your marriage with a commitment and that explains "the making it last" promise to yourself and your partner. You must be aware of the fact that certain behaviors such as flirting with the opposite sex are no longer appropriate under any situation. So if you are a born playboy or flirt (or playgirl), just say NO...

It's so hard to lose the one you love To finally have to say goodbye You try to be strong but the pain keeps holdin' on And all that you can do is cry Deep within your heart you know it's time to move on When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone When the last tear drop falls I'll still be holdin' on to all of our memories And all of what used to be When the last tear drop falls I will stand tall And know that you're here with me in my heart When the last tear drop falls So now I'm alone and life keeps movin' on But my destination still unknown Will there be a time when I'll fall in love again? When I was meant to walk these streets alone If there was just one wish I could be granted here tonight It would be to have you right back by my side Now it's time for me to find my happiness again And the emptiness from missin' you Will never ever end, baby

You can't choose your family, so I guess I was just lucky to have a brother like you... We fussed and we teased, we had fights and we had fun, and always in my heart i knew that I would do anything for you. We forged a bond that time cannot erase, and we share a secret smile that the world will never understand. We grew up, but we never grew apart. I know how you work, and I see all the things you do for the people you love. What a wonderful person you have become. You never knew how proud i am to tell the world, "That's my brother," but I'm even prouder to say, "That's my friend." Happy 23 rd Birthday dearest brother, I love You

Girl you take my breath away And when I'm with someone new I'd rather be here with you Baby, forever My heart belongs to you 'cause I think about you all the time I know my love is true when we're together I've played around girl and I made you cry When I looked up, you were saying good-bye I'm begging you please I need you so bad Don't leave me now, you're the best that I've had I've never - I'll never find someone like you I promise it's true No, I'll never - I'll never find someone like you Girl I love the way that you are Girl, I won't, no I won't let you go No one could ever do, the way I would make love to you All I have is just my heart And my feelings, I give to you That's all that I can do Give you forever Oh oh oh, you don't know that you're hurting me 'Cause it's not just a sexual thang I want to share my dreams, baby, together Girl, I'm afraid just to give it up now My heart's tellin...

I can't read the future I still want to hold you close. Right now. I need that from you. So give me the morning Sharing another day with you is all I want to know. And baby I, I've tried to forget you, But the light of your eyes still shines. You shine like an angel with a spirit that won't let me go. I didn't want to tell you things I don't want to know myself was afraid to show You! You gave me a reason Reason to face the truth Oh yes you did. To face the truth, face the truth face the truth And baby I, I've tried to forget you, But the light of your eyes still shines. You shine like an angel with a spirit that won't let me go. Won't let me go. Let go of my heart. And baby I, I've tried to forget you, But the light of your eyes still shines like an angel with a spirit that won't let me go. No Won't let me go

Its been a while since I felt beautiful. Either bogged down by my thoughts, others actions targeting me n weighing my outlook towards life down, I found it so hard to believe in anyone, trust anyone . I would look at each sentence anyone uttered as something with a motive behind it. Far from the beauty, only the ugly side of life, lies, manipulation, gossip, rudeness and cruel actions with cruel intentions, hurtful words intended to cause harm beyond the thinkable followed me around, all covered under a haze of not taking responsibility for ones own actions, passing the buck so as to say, running away, avoiding and washing ones hands off the situation by just a few words…YOU are responsible for feeling miserable and YOU are the one who has your feelings in your hands. You cannot allow someone else to mess around your mind. Sounds Good in books but takes a lot to put it to practice. But yes I did it. Even though it took me a bit to lick my wounds, I am trying and not beca...

I'm aiming to be fluent in love. To immerse myself in love, in a beautiful feeling called love, in a process of falling in love. My heart's name is love . I'm aiming to be fluent in passion. To lose myself in daily tasks with a hunger of wanting being alive, to treasure each moment, be grateful for a single minute. My soul's name is passion. YOU ARE AN ARTIST OF THE SPIRIT. Find yourself and express yourself in your own particular way. Express your love openly. Life is nothing but a dream, and if you create your life with love, your dream becomes a masterpiece of art. Collect your beautiful memories and be grateful that you can have all of them. Forget those which made you cry, learn from them first and then forget them all. Let them go away piece by piece, memory by memory, heartache by heartache. Spoil your mind, your soul, your heart only with worthy pictures. They will all decide how you are feeling now. Play. Enjoy yourself. Start liking yourself...

They met in a formal dinner. She was nervous. He was sweet. They both led very busy lives with very demanding careers. He managed to make quite an impression, until he took her to the middle of the floor, and asked her to dance the chicken dance with him. In a black-tie formal event. Utterly shocked, her eyebrows shot up as she asked him, “You’re joking right?” He remained straight faced for 3 seconds… then slowly allowed a charming smile, “Yes, I’m joking.” That night before they’d parted, he saw her off in the parking lot. Under the clear starry night. He’d told her in the most serious tone that he was actually some European prince in disguise. Running from a forced arranged marriage with some strange princess he hardly knew. And if his royal parents found him they might publicly punish him by making him crush wine grapes using nothing but his bare feet. Wearing nothing but a purple tutu. In front of all his countrymen. Unless if he finds another princess that outdoes ...

You feel like you're falling backwards Like you're slippin' through the cracks Like no one would even notice If you left this town and never came back You walk outside and all you see is rain You look inside and all you feel is pain And you can't see it now But down the road the sun is shining In every cloud there's a silver lining Just keep holding on And every heartache makes you stronger But it won't be much longer You'll find love, you'll find peace And the you you're meant to be I know right now that's not the way you feel But one day you will You wake up every morning and ask yourself What am I doing here anyway With the weight of all those disappointments Whispering in your ear You're just barely hanging by a thread You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath And you don't know it yet Find the strength to rise above You will Find just what you're made of.. One day you will

I decided to look up what we all have in common. Yes being from the same specie and with a brain and heart which only has some difference of experience and exposure and rest of the wiring remains constant , this post is to see how well we gel and where we gel the most. Our abilities are almost the same and so is our definition of saint and evil. Let's see how far could other people be just the same as me or you. You could be thinking just like me, for some odd connection that we share. 1. In reality we all have this great ability to wear masks and a concealer and hide away the ache, pain and disturbances from all to decipher. For those who wanna show they can but like me, I know everyone has several set of problems and while walking down the street I have no idea about anyone's tragedy! 2. We have something which others use and we hardly ever have to accept when we are sarcastically using ourselves in third person. Yes our names. It is very nice to be referred to...

OooooMG!! She wasn't talking to me! Was not me all these while!! How foolish was I, thinking it was for me!!! Yes, lame.. I know, I'm so lame! I'm not her, I'll never be. Don't wanna be! Me... Just another used to be.

I have become slow and less regular in blogging, all due to increasing workload and stress at work. I promise to be back to my usual regularity once I get some little more release from all the assignments i have to deal with at the moment. But this time i just cant not write anything as some crazy mad angel told me it is about time and i promised to write something today :D Here I am with SUNDAY LOVE RAMBLINGS . Maybe it will be harsh on someone but thats the way i think life is going. Sometimes things happen that we would prefer to avoid. Sometimes you leave someone or you are left. Sometimes all you have left are the memories. And sometimes you are just not able to let go.... It is easy to talk about it, when it doesnt concern you. It is simple to give advice when it is not you crying all night long. It always seems to you that you just know better. You think you know but you just have no idea.... And it is hard to be there when your friend is s...

Some things, once lost, can never be found again. Lost friendship and love are like that. You once had a very good friend, later you drifted apart, you met each other less often, and then you totally don't even see each other anymore. One day, you suddenly remembered that both of you once shared times so good that you met each other almost everyday. And now, even if you were to meet again, there would not be as many things to talk about as before. You realize every person makes different friends at different stages of life, and once a friendship fades silently away, it can never be found again. Is love not like that, too? You used to love someone so much, and one day your love ended and you led your own separate lives. With time, you no longer find any trace of your having loved him/her before. You doubt whether you have ever really loved him/her, but what about the "till-death-do-us-part" passion that you once shared? One day, when you bump into him/her on ...

It's amazing how we always tend to be mistaken in people. Nothing in life is as it seems. From all the dozens of people you come across in life, there will be hardly a few who are honest, loyal and true to you in all kind of situations. And even these few might crash your belief in friendship, mutual understanding and caring. Imagine when you are friends with someone for long, know each other's good and bad sides, believe that nothing would ever change. And then suddenly everything does change. You don't even notice, don't understand and more than that... you don't believe it is happening to you. One day you were the best friends and the other you are ignored, abandoned, left alone. The funniest thing is when you confront them, they would tell you nothing has changed, they are the same and they care the same way. And if they seemed to be away from your life, then that's for your own good, to make you stronger... I for one don't want to get stron...