Life is Irrecoverably Wasted ...

There's something special about a new year. A fresh start. 365 brand new days for you to become whatever it is you want to become. These past 365 days taught me more than I could have ever hoped to learn. Some lessons were harder than others, but with the close of 2011, I can honestly say I am a stronger person, because of this year's experiences. This year, I learned that we don't have to settle.  Our lives?  We can control them. We can change our own path. We have will and we have ways.  We have the power to achieve happiness and to see beauty in darkness.  I learned that mean people are the ones that need kindness most. And no matter what anybody tells you, you're beautiful and worth it.  And most importantly, you deserve love and to be happy. I've learned that there will always be people with unkind things to say. There will always be hate, envy, and greed in this world. But there will also always be love and beauty and ki...

I always feel like I’m struggling to become someone else. Like I’m trying to find a new place, grab hold of a new life, a new personality. I guess it’s part of growing up, yet it’s also an attempt to reinvent myself. By becoming a different me, I could free myself of everything. I seriously believed I could escape myself- as long as I made the effort. But I always hit a dead end. No matter where I go, I still end up me. What’s missing never changes. The scenery may change, but I’m still the same old incomplete person. The same missing elements torture me with a hunger that I can never satisfy. I guess that lack itself is as close as I’ll come to define myself.

‎My heart is drumming in my chest so hard it aches, but it’s the good kind of ache, like the feeling you get on the first real day of autumn, when the air is crisp and the leaves are all flaring at the edges and the wind smells just vaguely of smoke - like the end and the beginning of something all at once

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

"This is what you do. If you feel low, you stand tall. You mess up, you move on. You want to try something, try it, and if it was a stupid thing to try, you look it in the eye. There’s no turning back. You apologize if you’re sorry, but know that the nimblest, strongest hands can’t rebuild a bridge out of embers, so cut new wood. Start from scratch. You love with your whole heart. If you’re jealous, talk yourself from the ledge. If you can’t talk yourself down from the ledge, have a good time up there, looking down on the world. If you have to lie to make everything true again, lie like you mean it. If you find yourself in a cage, reach out through the bars for the key, unlock the door, and run away. If running away gets dangerous, run home. If home doesn’t mean what it used to mean, decide what home will be in the future. If your best friend says she doesn’t trust you, hold her jaw in your hand until it hurts, and make her face you. That's all it takes. If you think you lov...

The beauty and love in the idea caught me by surprise. Because the world really does need more love letters. So I started writing love letters every week. Just little notes of kindness that I leave random places for strangers. Because sometimes we all need a bit of encouragement. So here's my love letter to you... No matter what's going on in your life- you can and you will get through it. You're beautiful and you're talented and your dreams will come true. Work hard and play nice. Don't forget to notice all of the beautiful things in the world.  It's good to have goals for the future, but this time right now? This is part of your life, too. So enjoy it.  Don't wait to achieve this or excel in that to start living.  Start now. And never, ever forget you are loved. All my love, -Me. If you're feeling brave, start writing love letters, too.  Because with a little more love, the world just might change.

We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found.

with warm hugs and great love I dedicate this to you.. my sister, my friend. Every now and then, life gives us a hard time.. but somehow, we manage to over come the obstacles.. For that one friend who's hurting now.. Tough times don't last, but tough people do .. On those days That you just can't take anymore And you're just so sick of the people Who don't even know what they're looking for You can pray That you yourself don't get sucked in To the questions lies and temptations Those people surround themselves in their own sin Don't be discouraged by the few God loves and has a plan for you Look up to Him when you feel blue 'Cause we're all prayin for ya too Don't give up now He'll show ya how To make it through So each day You be confident in yourself Take hold every opportunity He'll put you through nothing that you can't handle

"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life." ...sleeping in fresh sheets. ...the smell of chocolate chip cookies. ...a smiling child. ...a warm cup of tea; a good book. ...an organized desk. ...a stargazing date. ...the twinkle of Christmas lights. ...the chirp of happy birds. ...a tickle war. ...your favorite song coming on shuffle randomly. ...a home cooked meal. ...a fuzzy puppy fast asleep in your lap. ...eating cinnamon toast under the covers. ...sharing a smile with a stranger. ...when someone brings you a coffee just the way you like it. ...the rewarding feeling after a workout. ...a long nap. ...watching re-runs of your favorite shows. ...reading a book, magazine, or newspaper from cover to cover in one sitting. ...when you haven't seen any of the previews at the movie theater.

After what seemed to be the darkest moments of my life, I feel I can finally smile from the heart. I look back and see so many people who tried to tarnish me for reasons I still don't know, yet I made it, untouched and unharmed only to find I am stronger than I always thought I was. I hate good byes. I wonder how people break up. I just can't do it. That's how I ended up with the person who loves me like crazy. We had our ups and downs, and being the mere humans we are, may be there will be more. But this time around, I have learnt the value of things that are here to stay and things that were never meant to be. Today, right now, this very moment, I can see myself sitting with him amidst nature's glory, looking in the same direction. We're not entirely the same, but he's the kind of man whose hands I can hold and all those differences can melt. Is this love?? :) That's my "sunshine love" I've been trying so hard to create with all my lovey-do...

I just hope that no matter how many times this world tries to turn me into a cold person, I remain soft and kind. May I still be full of love. May I still see hope in everything. I hope I’ll never become something that once broke me. I want to be a reminder that even in a world that can be cruel, there is still room for gentleness. That love still exist, that hopes till flickers, that softness can survive, even in the hardest darkest places.

Sometimes.. No matter how many people love you, no matter how many people you love, it just gets into you. You feel like you're alone. Sometimes.. Even if you have a number of dear friends you can not share your worried and tears with them. You know you can call them at 3am but you will not. You know they promised to be there for you anytime, but whenever you need a hug or a shoulder to cry on, circumstances are just not in your favor. Sometimes.. You just don't have the chance to turn to anyone. Sometimes.. Even if you're with the best of people, your still not with them. You talk, you laugh, you smile.. but your soul cries. Sometimes.. Even if you're madly in love, your still alone. You can get all the love, care, comforting from your soul-mate but then just sometimes.. on some days, when you need them the most they won't be there.. Not because they don't want to or don't care, but just because they can't.. And then at...

I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance. Caring - feel and exhibit concern and empathy for others - from one of online dictionaries How many truly caring people you have met in your life? The ones that unconditionally care for people around them. The ones who dont think about making the world better but still are doing this. The ones who are there for you to give support even though you have not stated you need it. People who ask "How are you?" and actually want to know this. People who will stay in touch no matter what because they need to be sure you will be fine. Someone who would call you on your bad day few hours after you left them in the office/school/cafe just to make sure you are feeling better. Someone who will be there for you when you want them to be... and even when you dont want to. Living for others, giving them comfort, support, love, understanding? Whenever I have been told t...

Life can be ironic at times. Haven't you wondered how a change in the life of someone close to you changes your life too. You wake up in the morning and it is your world, you know what you will do, what to expect, what will happen in a month, in a year. It is not like you are planning every minute in your life. It is just that there is some basic schedule your life runs after. And you are used to this schedule and you dont have to like or dislike it. You just know it is there. But then you get to know that the life of someone you love has taken a completely a different direction and you are happy for them, you really are, but slowly you realise that it affects you more than you thought originally. It changes your life in a way you never expected. Just few hours and life is not the same anymore. And you are confused there wondering what to do, where to go, what will happen now. And all the plans you had before are gone because now you have to start making another pl...

How beautiful is that? Imagine yourself sitting by the beach that looks as blue as that, with the sea breeze going through your hair, you smell the ocean, you can touch the white sand and feel it fall from between your fingers and then you sip your Pina Colada. Ahhh.. Heaven on earth. The thing is, I was actually browsing the website looking for best places to scuba dive. The other day my cousin dropped by my house and was enthusiastically talking about scuba diving and the cost to get a scuba license. She was telling me all about Tioman Island, Sipadan Island and other islands that is a haven for scuba divers. Honestly, I never felt interested in scuba diving before but maybe her excitement on scuba diving is rubbing off on me too. So there I was browsing the info’s and images from one page to another when I came across this photo! Oh my.. Beauty of the world.. I’ve always loved beaches. There’s just something about watching sunsets at the beach that makes me feel calm and at...

I'm so glad there is a person like you It is so good to have someone like you To listen to my dreams Make me laugh And let me cry Whenever I need to Someone who really cares about me But the best part of all Is just knowing that you love me The same way I love you. The secrets we shared The unconditional love we share What we meant to each other Warm intimate evenings You embrace and comfort me With your smile I have found peace in your eyes Friendship in your heart Love in your arms.

You came into my life unexpectedly, and everything took a turn for the better. Your warm eyes, your laugh, the sincere way you speak, and the kindness you showed me, all became a part of my life. As you unfolded yourself to me, I discovered more and more beauty. I have never seen so much gentleness in one person. Without even knowing it, you were slowly making a place for yourself in my heart. It used to seem so hard at times to feel so close in a relationship. But it's so easy to feel close to you. I can't tell you how nice that feels. I realize now that I had never known what it meant to be loved until I was loved by you..

For the whole day I thought about you. Even thought I didn’t want, I still thought about you. When I closed my eyes, I thought about you. When I opened my eyes, I again thought about you. When I thought how beautiful life is, I thought about you. When I dreamt world is such a good place, I thought about you. When I listened to the beautiful song, I thought about you. During the hectic work day I still thought about you. Even being out with friends I thought about you And when I said goodnight to the stars above, I thought about you. And even at night Beneath the silver starlight, In the world Of sweet dreams I thought about you… What makes some people dearer is not just the happiness that we feel when we meet them but the emptiness we feel when they are not around… ... So much to Love Ramblings this time. Maybe not as positive as usually but me feeling somehow like that, some melancholy should be also present :) PS: I might not be...

As we grow up things change. Life was so much easier back then when scrapes from the bike ride were the worst pain, the worst fight you had was about who would have remote control. Life was so much easier when goodbyes meant “I’ll see you tomorrow” and when no one was afraid to say “I love you”. As we grow up things change. Or maybe we do. Fading away, drifting with the flow, losing ourselves. Forgetting childhood dreams and old promises. Getting lost in the whirlpool of fake priorities and artificial emotions. We do things because we are supposed to do them. Because someone said so. Because everyone does this. We forget who we are and what we want. We are too scared to follow our own dreams. As we grow up things change. Or maybe time does. 24 hours are not enough anymore. We have to run somewhere. To fix this, to clear that, to fight, to argue, to prove ourselves right, to learn new stuff, to earn more money, to work more… to smile less. 1440 minutes of constant...

Being kids we always wanted the time go faster so that we could grow up and start doing things that all the adults do. Having fun when we want, staying up till late, eat all types of sweets and junk food, going out when we want and stay over night at friend's place. Now, when we are grown up, all we want sometimes is to go back in time to those happy moments when we weren't stressed over dead lines, break ups, family problems. When we didn't have any responsibilities and the biggest worry was about the neighbor girl having a new doll and you not. Now we don't want the time to go faster anymore, in fact sometimes we even want it to stop because we don't have enough of it. Work, family responsibilities, studies take all of it. How often we meet up with friends and talk to them other than online? How often you manage to go to a party on a week day? How often it happens that the only thing you want to do in the weekend is to SLEEP?? Because that's w...

Sometimes I feel my whole life is a dream. Not mine, maybe someone else’s. And then I wonder whose dream it might be and whether they are enjoying it. I wouldn’t say my life is very entertaining but it definitely takes some weird forms and shapes at times. Sometimes it is all pinky and happy, sometimes everything is dark around and I am trying to pull through, trying to find a way, trying to find myself. "And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home". Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things… Maybe only losing yourself is worse. I feel I am losing both. Losing the way on a journey called life might be really unfortunate. But if you lose reasons for the journey itself it is much more cruel. On this journey I am traveling alone. Sometimes there are others who would join and take the ride, sometimes they get closer to me than expected, sometimes I let them closer than necessary. So...

Is it hard to believe I'm okay After all, it's been a while since you walked away I'm way past crying over your finding someone new You turned my days into bright But now I see the light And this may be a big surprise to you But you've made me stronger by breaking my heart You ended my life and made a better one start You've taught me everything from fallin' in love To letting go of a lie Yes, you've made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye If you'd rather believe I'm not over you Go ahead-there's nothing wrong with making believe I know 'cause I used to pretend you'd come back to me But time has been such a friend Brought me to my senses again And I have you to thank for setting me free Think again Don't feel so sorry for me, my friend Oh, don't you know I'm not the one at the losing end. You made stronger by saying Goodbye...

One awesome thing about living in 21st century is that with one click of a button you can make a person disappear from your life like they never have been there. Bothersome photos? No problem... click.. and they're gone. Click... and all the chats are gone. Click... and all the pics are in trash. Click... and the phone number is deleted from the cell. Click... and the person does not exist in any of social communities. Click... click... click... and it is all over. One can almost erase a chapter from one's life by doing this. But how do you erase memories? I wish we could...

Sometimes Things go the way you want them But more often they don’t, Sometimes You want to stay alone But more often you won’t, Sometimes You want to cry But you might have no tears, Sometimes You want to yell to the world But just afraid it might hear you. And you are striving again To keep this delicate balance Of the life you want And the life you have, Of the things you return And the things you gain, Of the feelings of joy And the feelings of pain. And you are striving hard To maintain this balance Which someone more wise Would have called… happiness And sometimes Things might go wrong And you might stay alone, And might lose some tears Waiting for the world coming to you But Nobody will come And help you to struggle Ceasing your pain and shedding your tears. Just remember always It is your own Happiness , And sometimes You just know better..

I have been busy like hell these last weeks and didnt visit any of the blogs (for that i am sorry) nor replied to the comments on the previous post (thanks to those who are there even if i am not!!) nor even thought about updating until someone told me its about time. But even if i wanted to write something i just couldnt find time or opportunity, so we found a way out. In life, many come and go. Those who leave a mark in our memories are one of a kind. Because they made a difference knowingly or otherwise, in some way or the other, even if they are no more a part of the story. Whatever they were capable of they gave, and took as well. All relationships have rifts, what matters is how we manage to seal them, sooner or later. Sometimes, even the most strongest of love is not sufficient to bring back that magic, and when it is lost, it is just lost. No amount of tears, words, or support can heal the wound it leaves behind. Initially there is the shock of having to come to terms with ...

People say love hurts. Does it? Loneliness hurts. Losing someone hurts. Being rejected hurts. Indifference hurts. But does love hurt? Does it hurt when you have this one person… and no matter for how long you haven’t seen each other and for how long you haven’t talked, you do come back to them every time and fall for them all over again and you love them, whether its wrong or right. You just do… Does love hurt? When you had a tough day and come back home and have this someone to hold you. Just to hold you, not giving a hug, you know. But hold you tight and take all your worries away. Does love hurt? When you know you are not alone and can rely on someone? Can believe? Can trust? People say love hurts, but maybe that’s the only thing in the world that actually does not.

We forget what really matters. On a way to a better life We don’t manage to see when it happens That we take people for granted, And have lies with pain planted, That we fail to show we care, And see only illusion where True feelings exist. And I am deeply sorry When for a moment I thought You don’t care. Because now I know you do. Love is a feeling, not a decision. You can't choose who you love, you can’t give any reasons for that, you can’t understand why they love you. If you could it would be simpler... but a lot less magical. *********************** When you love someone, they never get lost; wherever they go, they are still somewhere in your heart and as long as they know that, they will always know that when they find you, they find themselves once again. Let’s believe they know. And that no matter how hard it might be you will manage it because in life what isn't hard isn’t worth having at all. *********************** Som...

I was going to write this entry for the last month or so but never managed to find time. Not that i got it now but just wanted finally to close this topic and write down whatever comes to my mind. People.. Who are we? What are we? Are we all different or are we the same? Are we good or are we bad? If good - then who said so, and if bad - then again who said so? Who is there to judge? Are their any criteria? Like we all I have come across many people in my life, good or bad, most have gone, few stayed. Why? Were they better than the rest? What makes them different? What makes me feel they ARE different? How do I know they are good? (they really are) How do I know they are not bad? (they are not!) Browsing through people's profiles I wondered how good they all are. They have nice friends, they have great testimonials saying how much sweet, lovable, adorable, caring and and and... they are. It means they are good. For these people. Not for others .. but it means they have so...

In your life you meet people. Some are just an episode and you never will think about them again. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And some you wonder what might have happened to them. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do. In your life you don't get the people you want. You get the people you need. To love you. To hate you. To teach you. To hurt you. To make you smile. To make you cry. To make you exactly the person you are. But what do you do when suddenly people you know become people you KNEW. And people who used to be a major part of your life are not present there anymore. When you try to make a difference but it all is in vain. When I love you’s become goodbye’s. When you can't even talk to them anymore because they never will talk the way they USED TO. What do you do when you can’t accept what things ARE because you still remember how they USED.TO.BE. In your life you don’t feel h...

I want to be somewhere I am not, I want to run some place I don’t know, I want to sleep in peace and have no dreams, I want to vent my grief in a torrent of tears. I have the right to be happy, they say. What do they know and why would they care? There are some things in life that are not meant to last, But it won’t protect you from the ghosts of your past. Sometimes I wonder how we waste our time, We eat, we sleep, we work, and we lie. We don’t say the things that really matter, We make everything worse instead of making it better. I lose myself in this world of shadows, I miss those days when I could see rainbows. I don’t know if I should open this door, don’t know where to go anymore. I am confused, I am alone, and cold, The world is so big, and I am so small. And I lost my way; I am at a crossroads, I close my eyes, and my world explodes.

It’s amazing if not ridiculous how one moment you are so completely blissfully happy and then in the next one everything is falling apart. You are out there, all alone wondering what the hell just happened and how come you are in the middle of this. There is no answer to this, don’t even try it. Just a waste of time.  Sometimes things happen. No reason. No explanation. They. Just. Happen. Nobody asked your permission for them to happen. Nobody offered you an alternative. Some things just happen this way. I guess we will never learn to accept them, to respect them, to believe they are for the best. Because probably they are not. I am even sure they are not for the best. How can it be possible that something that drains you of your strength, of your emotions, of your happiness – how come something like that can be for the best? Yes, things like this change us. But do they make us stronger? Do they make us better? It is a common knowledge that they do...

There is no combination of words I could put on the postcard And no song that I could sing, but I can try because this is your heart and this is Our dreams and they are made out of real things Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like Why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard? It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving I'll tell you one thing, it's so much better when we're together ***** Dear You, It is impossible for anyone to love me as much as you do. Just wanted to say that I know that. Thank you so much. You make up for everything that was missing in my life all this while.. Oh .. and drifting off to sleep in your arms, listening to your heartbeat and enveloped by your warmth and feeling all safe and protected is my new favorite thing... :) Love, Me. P.S: Never in my dreams I imagined that I wou...

Waiting patiently.. Maybe Someday Somewhere The Dragon, The Butterfly will meet half way through life.

I love you. And someday we will watch all of these movies together.. "I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone." (The Lord of the Rings) * * * * * * * * * * * * * "I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you." ( Dirty Dancing ) * * * * * * * * * * * * * "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it." (City of Angels) * * * * * * * * * * * * * "We'll always have Paris." (Casablanca) * * * * * * * * * * * * * "Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic." (Sleep...