Life is Irrecoverably Wasted ...

My fingers have been itching to type!!! Anyways, not sure if it’s the same for everyone, but it seems like time accelerates as we age – 2008 sure passed in a blur for me! Some of us tend to reflect and ponder at this time of year… What lessons have we learned? What are the things we need to improve on? How can we make 2009 a better and rewarding year? I’m sure we all have a list of things we want or need to do! But now back to year 2008… The Good I’m so glad I traveled to a few places this year. I’m grateful for the new experiences. I hope to be able to explore more next year! (Gotta fill up my new travel scrap book hehe) The Unexpected Surprise I think that the most profound thing I discovered this year would be the new experiences that brought me to a world I never even knew existed. It awakened my soul, opened up my heart and made me feel things beyond what I knew possible. Thought I’ve been there…Thought I’ve done that… But I was so-so wrong! The Lesson Sometimes thin...

I may look normal, but deep down I wanna be an Octopus so I can slap eight people at once. 🐙

I spent months trying to understand, trying desperately to love. At first, thinking I might be in love with you, but it felt like I was drowning, the water was warm so it almost felt cold not at all enjoyable. But then, you said, "Please, give us a try", and it was like the warm water turned to ice and lungs started to jam up and I couldn't breathe. I was struggling, kicking, failing to get to the top, because my heart felt dead. My limbs felt frozen in place, and I have no clue how I reached the surface. But I did, and the first breath I took was so painful, and the second, and the third. Eventually, I could hold myself up but I was still shivering for a while, even after I dragged myself out of that water. I spent 6 months, trying desperately to pull myself up, I was frozen all over. Though you’re on the other side of the world, you keep coming back, keep torturing me, keep winding me up. I realize I can’t pretend that you mean anything to me, I can't...

It’s when I’m sitting in a room all alone yet so close to you that I scream I love you. I am never full of words when I want to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you that I want to just drag you out of my dream and make you a reality, and that I’m still in love with you. It’s when I’m in bed tucking myself to sleep that you instantly pop into my head and I grab my phone to dial to you but I hang up because I don’t want to give my self away to the thought that you might not pick up and and if you do you might be thinking "Who the hell are am I and why the heck am I calling you so late?" scares the shit out of me!. I would trade a thousand tomorrows for just one yesterday. Then I could just call you to tell you goodnight and smooch you. It’s when I cry myself to sleep at night and it hits me how much I would give to hold you at that very moment. It’s when I think about you that I realize no one else in the world is meant for me. And yes I wish you wo...

She came into my life and I was gliding through sky, She did some cute things and made those butterflies fly. I always cared for her and wanted her to be beside me, Always loved her and used to think what she feels for me. I always wanted to tell her how much I cared and love her, But just stopped before making the final stir.. But soon I realized that it’s me, who loves her and not her, She always took me as a friend; it was I who was in fuzz.. Now she is now gone; happy and content, But who am I kidding; it was I who went to that extent.. But soon I realized this is so close to the life, When will I tell her I always wanted her to be my life..? I love her with my whole heart feeling every single pain she had, But when will I go and tell her about the feeling that I have..? With this question intriguing me in my life, Now I learn to get over this mental strife.. It made me realize that one has to just go and tell, How you feel, you have to go and break the spell . . . But wil...

I am only me, that is all that I can be No more, no less, don’t second guess I love, I laugh, I live and cry, I’ve wished at times, that I could die Some days I’m funny, others I’m not, sometimes I’m in overdrive and can’t stop I am a loyal and honest friend, You know that I’ll be there until the end I am a romantic, sensual, and passionate too, to the love of my life, I’ll share this with you I can be sweet and shy or sassy and bold, I’m quite a handful, or so I’ve been told I am not perfect, I do have my faults, like when I get scared I put up high walls Or I’m not as forgiving, as I’d sometimes like to be, because when I hurt, I hurt deeply My logic is all my own, at times misunderstood, because I don’t always do things for my own good I have many facets, like a diamond you see… I am only me.

This ongoing endless need for the little things in life … ahhh my love I open my heart and all the little things you shall find…. As I sit back and try to comprehend the life of another soul, of another woman, of another heart in need of endless love … I can’t quite take it all in … but within what I do see, its only the simple little things this woman has grown so accustom to feeling the need or desire for … was it me, the fairy who was sent to fill those needs … even though we sleep the days in between … I will be there to kiss you when your waking, to kiss you as you come and cradle you as you lie sleeping and dreaming of the day we find our secret garden … and yet the fairy also sees much pain … so much unleashed love to be given … ahhhh if only my head could rest against you dear … if only I could smell the scent of your skin … the taste of your nectar and the essence of your soul … these things we dream of how wonderful they can be … But always remember this my love … I am a...

I seriously think this is another issues pertaining to the back then reason of raping for not covering up well. Well, I don’t think anyone should be advising a person on how they prefer living their sexuality preferences. An effeminate man is not necessarily gay. In today’s overwhelming fashion and overgrown socially inclined period, for as long as anyone does not offend a person's sensitivity culture or caused inconvenience to others. It should be fine. Humans are not all born straight and forcing them might turn out disastrous. God created the way we are and as much as we wanted to behave in a 'good' manner, we wouldn’t want to force ourselves into something that would harm others. There are lots of discreet people out there being straight but deep inside, they are not. Take note of that dear Mr. Authorities. If God is all powerful and created everything, then why would God have created something that He forbade? That's the thing I can never figure out about God. Th...

Very often I find myself speechless and totally unconscious of what I have to say or word it like when it comes to you. Everything I know and have practiced in my head starts to fall out of place and nothing makes sense when I deliver it in words, because with you I have too much to feel than to think and I can never explain that emotion. Sometimes this combination of feelings, letters, words, expressions, emotions gets stuck in my neurons and voice and churn on the inside of my stomach, aching to be spoken, aching to be appreciated and aching to be reciprocated, but speechlessness and so much love for you in me makes me fear what if and it never does make sense after that. I have loved you and I will one day work up the strength to tell you everything blankly without the echo in my heart distracting me and leaving me insanely dumb!

I stumble upon her Dragon blog today.. Reading through it I felt a little jealous and cried a little too. Why jealous? I don't know.. Why cry? I don't have the answer to that either. I will keep reading her blog, every post. Silently. Secretly. Someday, I hope she would take a second look at me. Maybe, someday I can make her happy too. Maybe, someday she will always have a piece of me too. but, until that fine day.. I'll always be around.. Waiting patiently.. Maybe Someday Somewhere The Dragon, The Butterfly will meet half way through life.

2004 Well, as if I really gave a shit what people thought, but here’s something to discuss that I thought might be of interest to people even if they didn’t agree with it. HO MO SEX UA LI TY . Have I scared enough people with that word yet? How about these- lesbian, gay, dyke, fairy, butch, and the ever constant if not uncreative and insulting… homo. How am I doing so far??? Well here’ something else to stir up the senses, how about Gay pride not being fit for the Parliament or the President? Now I know some of you, in your ‘orang batu’ views still find homosexuality a horrible thing (unless of course, gentlemen, it’s two supermodel blonds-correct me if I am wrong with that assumption please). But let’s skip to the 20th century. Even if we didn’t, homosexuality would still be here because it was even in this world when Shakespeare was around, and even further back then that. I find the idea that people can be so close minded as to say that homosexuality is unacceptable and a taboo,...

Ever wonder why we fall so deep in love It feels as though it was sent from above Ever wonder why we listen to that sad song Questioning ourselves if this love is wrong Ever wonder why her smile brings you bliss Wondering if you’ll ever get that one kiss Ever wonder why her touch makes you shiver Just knowing she’s around even makes you quiver Ever wonder why you feel so alone Without her with you feel unknown Ever wonder why she’s scared to be with you Just to give you the chance is all she has to do Ever wonder why things seem too hard She’s been hurt before so she’s on guard Ever wonder why nothing matters anymore When you think of her your eyes start to pour Ever wonder why things don’t work out You find yourself alone and in a pout Ever wonder why you haven’t met a special girl Love seems to through you in a giant whirl Ever wonder why you make yourself so sad You see couples and wish it was someone you had Ever wonder that just maybe it will come true You just have to patient you...

Never say I love you If you don’t really care Never talk of feelings If they aren’t really there Never hold my hand If you mean to break my heart Never say forever If you ever plan to part Never look into my eyes If you are telling me a lie Never say hello If you think you’ll say goodbye Never say that I’m THE one If you dream of more than me Never lock up my heart If you don’t have the key

Have you ever heard of that saying “You dont know what their worth until they're gone  gone”? I heard it more than I need to. I dont know who thought of this saying, but in my own opinion, you dont realize what you’ve got until its gone, you realize it right then and there. If you cant see that you dont realize the obvious. Living any life isn’t easy, no matter how much paradise you may live in. Everyone has issues, or a problem they cant find their way out of. Me on the other hand I deal with a lot of problems, day after day. You become desperate to get that OK feeling again, and who hasnt. I may never know why I, or better yet we may never know why we go through the shit we go through, but maybe its for the better, but I really cant say. No one has the answers to everything, and if we did, I dont think there would be such thing as Islam, Catholics, Christians, Jews you name it. I’m full of regret, and probably would give anything to change my mistakes, but hey I cant. Maybe ...