Life is Irrecoverably Wasted ...

A- Advocate for: Love B- Best Feature: Eyes C- Could do without: Makeup D- Dreams and desires: TO built a life with my Dragon E- Essential items: Love Love and Love F- Favorite past time: Love Making G- Good at: Making Love H- Have never tried: A loveless line I- If I had a million dollars: I'd buy me love if I could J- Junkie for: Strawberry and Cream K- Kindred spirit: Juliet L- Little known fact: I am really fragile M- Memorable moment: When I was married N- Never again will I: go against my gut O- Occasional indulgence: Chocolate P- Profession: Professional Ass-Pincher Q- Quote: As you love, so shall you be loved R- Reason to smile: the Dragon Lady S- Sorry about: my first wife, she lost the gem of her life T- Things you are worrying about right now: when the hell am I going to get me a wifey U- Uninterested in: anything which has ego and is loser V- Very scared of: a life without a spouse W- Worst habits: dependent and attached [easily] Y- Yummie...

You are that one woman who knows the buttons on me. The one who fights with me constantly and drives me completely insane. The one who knows just what to say to piss me off beyond reason one minute and then have me laughing hysterically the next. The one who knows me inside and out and knows about my imperfections, and you don’t seem to care about it, you keep telling me you love me anyway. The one who I can hang out with, doing nothing and still have a good time. The one who cries with me, laughs with me. The one who tells me everything will be okay and knows it will be because she said so. And most importantly, you are the one who will always love me no matter what happens and yes I know that! and you know what dear Dragon? I’ll always love you too.

When looking for answers and given two options, both equally exceptional how do you choose? Option one is comfortable, you know what your getting and it's safe. Yet option two is a complete risk, it may be everything you have ever wanted, but there is no guarantee. I am torn because: So how do you choose? An Answer needs to be found, living in limbo, waiting for the answer to arrive is not an option. Would you suggest as the image does below: Is it that simple... a coin toss? What if you make the wrong decision and you regret it for the rest of your life? If you play it safe, will the agony of the unknown haunt you for life? Or will the possible failure of taking a risk and failing torture you for the rest of your life? Either way once the decision is made there is no going back... please help!! I would love to say that I will follow my heart, but everything I do... I put all my energy, heart and soul into!

As I wrapped up the post I refreshed the DD page and there it was, the prompt to drive my writing for the day. But too late - my broken-ness has taken over and though I still have the courage to catch up on my negatives and be a better someone by the end of this year, I still have to scream on about what I have to. I hope you have the courage to see me in the same eye after I am done narrating and boring you out of your senses. Let courage drive us all! to the better of things. oh yes a terrific quote to fit in this context... Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you can not bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain. Imagine being in a dark room with only a single beam of light shining in. You know the light is there but no matter what you do you can never hold on to it. Meet depression. Don't let it consume you. Don't let your courage fade away...

So yes, I laughed. I laughed at the pain and the futility and the frustration and the heartache to keep it separate from me. And while it may seem like insanity to you, it is the thing that prevents it, for me.

Every bed without you in it, is broken.

You cannot share any meaningful interpersonal relationships with anyone if you don’t have faith in anyone anywhere… I am back to scribbling a fragment of my malignant mind. Why malignant? There is a long story behind the formation of this one of a kind piece of human creation. I surely will take time out to narrate the details, if I live to see another day. Idleness is a disease. I am of course infected with it at this very moment. For a couple of months, I did feel it creeping up my nerves, but I ignored. Thinking it to be one of those flu type sicknesses. It turns out now (hope it is not late) that it is cancerous, maybe in its first stage (fingers crossed for now). There are moments where I can’t seem to recall anything but that which should not be recalled… The happy times… and they tell me, ‘don’t!’ That part of my mind has drained charge which once had the bitterness, the hatred, the loathe, the despise, the cannot bear memories, or even the scars left after a scratch. All that s...