Tear stained cheeks

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A Sunday morning and I am yawning.
I lay awake on my bed last night.
Crying, thinking, pondering and shredding the remains.

I spoke to Almighty. He wasn’t speaking to me.

When I was little I wanted to grow up and help people. I always wanted to be the answer to everyone's problems and questions, like how to solve their marriage, or patch up their relationship, or mend their broken hearts. I used to dream that I would solve the puzzles of everyday life and know exactly what is needed to be done. I used to think that any thing could be solved with enough patience and know how and I did manage quite a lot when I was on track. And now I think I dreamt all of that because I can't make sense of my own life, it is in utter chaos and I cant find answers to almost anything at all.

*****

It's funny how little things in life can make you smile, and laugh, and throw out your arms to fly and yet instantly there will be a disgusting moment from which you ll take ages to recover. Don't you think there is promise and opportunity in everything? Don't you get tired of standing up on your pedestal all day long?
*****

I realize I am making a mistake again. My God is not very happy with me. I cried more. last night thinking for the possibilities which could just end. Thinking I will never have a destiny or a destination, I cried thinking I will never have him love me as much as I am craving it.

The room is quiet, and yet, I can hear every conversation we've ever had loud and clear. Some times with you, I love the way you make me feel and then you purposefully burst my bubble and strip me into reality. I think I am designed to be alone.

I can feel, you don't feel right, like something should be said, but neither of us know what it is. Calling to each other in a way different and distinct, we don't understand each other.

It's hard to know we're drifting, and not be able to do anything about it. It's harder to watch you not care. I wish you could be the one I could care for, forever.

*****
Sunday so far has not been a day I will celebrate.
It has started off sleepless and it will end soon.

With tear stained cheeks I sign out, to not watch anything and curl up in bed.

somewhere out there...

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