Making Marriage
I sure hope you are all doing well in your cosy and comfortable lives.
Today I shall open the windows and doors to the perception of people and their misconceptions about marriage. Yes as boring as it sounds, it is necessary to cater to these misconceptions or else the rate at which divorces are taking place, it will speed up double in a matter of years. The most important is the question "Are you Ready?" Now as simple as the question is, the reply is not a yes or no. Think Hard! Very Hard!
Think long and hard before taking the plunge because it is a lifelong commitment which requires behavioral changes (which just have to happen). You must start your marriage with a commitment and that explains "the making it last" promise to yourself and your partner. You must be aware of the fact that certain behaviors such as flirting with the opposite sex are no longer appropriate under any situation. So if you are a born playboy or flirt (or playgirl), just say NO, even if your parents are torturing you with emotional blackmails. It is useless screwing around with more than one life and you know it isn't yours only.
Certain behaviors such as going out with friends very often and into social situations that is a setup for men to meet women and dance etc. is just not acceptable. People think it is a habit and their spouse needs to accept his/her mannerisms which are loud and unruly. If you don't think you can live without the night life then married life may not be for you.
It is inappropriate for a married man or women to have a friend of the opposite sex. Your husband or wife is now your best friend, and all other members of the opposite sex should be downgraded to acquaintances. Do not put yourself in a position to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, even if it is as innocent as a lunch date. Trust me it blows in your face and you will not want any blood and shattered bonds because of this stupidity. People get married and continue to keep their footings grounded in the life they had before. Give it up. Just get moving.
When two people get married, you must know that you have committed to share more than just a bond and a label of 'being married', you must now share a life philosophy and life goals too. About moving forward together, having children, finances, spending, a house, a car, anything at all, it has to be not your decision alone. Your spouse now plays an equal and should be asked before a decision.
Most people are very particular about their personal space and privacy, which to an extent is acceptable, but on the bigger canvas of being married there is no room for privacy. You must share everything. I have seen women who freak out when their husbands see their phone. Why should you be so darn suspicious? Things should remain open between the two of you. You two do get naked in front of each other, so why the other suspicious veil? Yes of course, 'it is my private life!' Screw that private life and get over with the hue and cry about privacy. Except for personalized settings there are no privacy settings in life!
In a marriage, your spouse is an extension of you and deserves respect. He or she should be elevated by you at every opportunity. Their honor should be defended vigorously against attacks, even if it means standing up to your parents! It must be clear to everyone, especially your spouse, that you render your full support to your spouse in every situation.
Friends are okay to have but if one of you has a problem with the others friends - let it go. It is useless hanging onto people other than your spouse, because they haven't committed to you a life long walk along. They are there for some hours and then they are into their lives. Many people have this habit of relying on friends too much other than their spouse for emotional support or even financial. What do you think you are doing? Is this a sane way to deal with a commitment?
Once you are in a marriage, avoid the internet. I don't mean all together but the places which will distract you and lead you astray. Avoid chatrooms, IM's, myspace and other type of internet sites that encourage and give opportunity for infidelity. Inappropriate conversations, meetings, and cybersex all lead to major issues in your marriage. Stay away from those things to prevent a misunderstanding or temptation.
Think about what you want, what makes you happy in your marriage, then do that for your spouse. Remember the Golden Rule from elementary school? That still applies in your marriage. Be the kind of spouse to your spouse you want them to be to you. By doing so, not only do you lose yourself in the service of taking care of you spouse, but you make them want to be that way back to you. It's easier to be nice and caring to someone who is nice and caring to you. Tell your spouse how much you adore him or her frequently. This is the most important advice that I can give.
It's the little things that matter the most and are forgotten once we step into marriage and stick to our ways of being when we were single. We forget to show our love to our spouses. We think they know since we wash their clothes, cook their food and do things like managing their home and making love to them in bed. What we forget is, as humans, we need to be reassured that we are loved on a regular basis. That does not mean just women. Men need reassurance as well. They earn for us, make us feel loved and wanted and do a lot more than women in a marriage. Things like leaving a little note, a card, or even write I love you in lipstick on the mirror. Quite often the smallest gestures take the least amount of time, and do the most for a marriage. No matter how long you've been married, marriage takes work everyday. When you add petrol to fire it will burn intensely - yes get the clue.
Respect is an essential attribute of staying together in a marriage. It's easy to neglect our spouses. Sometimes, as sad as it is, our family and our spouses are often the ones we treat the worst. A spouse sees you sick, fat, pregnant, decked out, gorgeous, and all other ways and still loves you without having any doubts. Doesn't that deserve your respect? Talk to them and treat as though you have the utmost respect for them, their thoughts and their opinions. Even if those thoughts and opinions differ from your own.
I am not sure how much I have nailed it in here but the bottom line is, don't think marriage is about 'sharing a bed, bathroom, and a closet'... when you think on those lines you forget the essence of why commitment as bonding as 'marriage' - marriage isn't the deal you sign and then it expires within a certain period. To know why we want to get married is essential and along with that are we capable for the changes that are requirement? When you get into a job, all your experiences are not as required, hence you gain some on that and apply again. We got to stop thinking the negatives of marriage and start to consider the pros of it. It isn't all that bad. It isn't bad at all actually. Once you know your ABCs, you are going to make it through. There is no such thing as a failed spouse, unless one is not open to changes.
p.s. Not everyone is marriage material - and not everyone is capable enough of defining what marriage material is :)
Today I shall open the windows and doors to the perception of people and their misconceptions about marriage. Yes as boring as it sounds, it is necessary to cater to these misconceptions or else the rate at which divorces are taking place, it will speed up double in a matter of years. The most important is the question "Are you Ready?" Now as simple as the question is, the reply is not a yes or no. Think Hard! Very Hard!
Think long and hard before taking the plunge because it is a lifelong commitment which requires behavioral changes (which just have to happen). You must start your marriage with a commitment and that explains "the making it last" promise to yourself and your partner. You must be aware of the fact that certain behaviors such as flirting with the opposite sex are no longer appropriate under any situation. So if you are a born playboy or flirt (or playgirl), just say NO, even if your parents are torturing you with emotional blackmails. It is useless screwing around with more than one life and you know it isn't yours only.
Certain behaviors such as going out with friends very often and into social situations that is a setup for men to meet women and dance etc. is just not acceptable. People think it is a habit and their spouse needs to accept his/her mannerisms which are loud and unruly. If you don't think you can live without the night life then married life may not be for you.
It is inappropriate for a married man or women to have a friend of the opposite sex. Your husband or wife is now your best friend, and all other members of the opposite sex should be downgraded to acquaintances. Do not put yourself in a position to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, even if it is as innocent as a lunch date. Trust me it blows in your face and you will not want any blood and shattered bonds because of this stupidity. People get married and continue to keep their footings grounded in the life they had before. Give it up. Just get moving.
When two people get married, you must know that you have committed to share more than just a bond and a label of 'being married', you must now share a life philosophy and life goals too. About moving forward together, having children, finances, spending, a house, a car, anything at all, it has to be not your decision alone. Your spouse now plays an equal and should be asked before a decision.
Most people are very particular about their personal space and privacy, which to an extent is acceptable, but on the bigger canvas of being married there is no room for privacy. You must share everything. I have seen women who freak out when their husbands see their phone. Why should you be so darn suspicious? Things should remain open between the two of you. You two do get naked in front of each other, so why the other suspicious veil? Yes of course, 'it is my private life!' Screw that private life and get over with the hue and cry about privacy. Except for personalized settings there are no privacy settings in life!
In a marriage, your spouse is an extension of you and deserves respect. He or she should be elevated by you at every opportunity. Their honor should be defended vigorously against attacks, even if it means standing up to your parents! It must be clear to everyone, especially your spouse, that you render your full support to your spouse in every situation.
Friends are okay to have but if one of you has a problem with the others friends - let it go. It is useless hanging onto people other than your spouse, because they haven't committed to you a life long walk along. They are there for some hours and then they are into their lives. Many people have this habit of relying on friends too much other than their spouse for emotional support or even financial. What do you think you are doing? Is this a sane way to deal with a commitment?
Once you are in a marriage, avoid the internet. I don't mean all together but the places which will distract you and lead you astray. Avoid chatrooms, IM's, myspace and other type of internet sites that encourage and give opportunity for infidelity. Inappropriate conversations, meetings, and cybersex all lead to major issues in your marriage. Stay away from those things to prevent a misunderstanding or temptation.
Think about what you want, what makes you happy in your marriage, then do that for your spouse. Remember the Golden Rule from elementary school? That still applies in your marriage. Be the kind of spouse to your spouse you want them to be to you. By doing so, not only do you lose yourself in the service of taking care of you spouse, but you make them want to be that way back to you. It's easier to be nice and caring to someone who is nice and caring to you. Tell your spouse how much you adore him or her frequently. This is the most important advice that I can give.
It's the little things that matter the most and are forgotten once we step into marriage and stick to our ways of being when we were single. We forget to show our love to our spouses. We think they know since we wash their clothes, cook their food and do things like managing their home and making love to them in bed. What we forget is, as humans, we need to be reassured that we are loved on a regular basis. That does not mean just women. Men need reassurance as well. They earn for us, make us feel loved and wanted and do a lot more than women in a marriage. Things like leaving a little note, a card, or even write I love you in lipstick on the mirror. Quite often the smallest gestures take the least amount of time, and do the most for a marriage. No matter how long you've been married, marriage takes work everyday. When you add petrol to fire it will burn intensely - yes get the clue.
Respect is an essential attribute of staying together in a marriage. It's easy to neglect our spouses. Sometimes, as sad as it is, our family and our spouses are often the ones we treat the worst. A spouse sees you sick, fat, pregnant, decked out, gorgeous, and all other ways and still loves you without having any doubts. Doesn't that deserve your respect? Talk to them and treat as though you have the utmost respect for them, their thoughts and their opinions. Even if those thoughts and opinions differ from your own.
I am not sure how much I have nailed it in here but the bottom line is, don't think marriage is about 'sharing a bed, bathroom, and a closet'... when you think on those lines you forget the essence of why commitment as bonding as 'marriage' - marriage isn't the deal you sign and then it expires within a certain period. To know why we want to get married is essential and along with that are we capable for the changes that are requirement? When you get into a job, all your experiences are not as required, hence you gain some on that and apply again. We got to stop thinking the negatives of marriage and start to consider the pros of it. It isn't all that bad. It isn't bad at all actually. Once you know your ABCs, you are going to make it through. There is no such thing as a failed spouse, unless one is not open to changes.
p.s. Not everyone is marriage material - and not everyone is capable enough of defining what marriage material is :)
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♥ Thank you for your love. I'll get back to all of your blogs during the weekend. I promise. ♥