On the Way Back to Myself
Sometimes I feel my whole life is a dream. Not mine, maybe someone else’s. And then I wonder whose dream it might be and whether they are enjoying it.
"And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home".
Losing the way on a journey called life might be really unfortunate. But if you lose reasons for the journey itself it is much more cruel.
On this journey I am traveling alone. Sometimes there are others who would join and take the ride, sometimes they get closer to me than expected, sometimes I let them closer than necessary. Sometimes people leave, sometimes people lie, but in the end it always was only my journey. And when the destination was reached, it was not me who arrived… it was not me at all.
And now I wonder if it is still me or I completely lost myself. Because once you lose yourself you always have 2 choices – to find that person you once have been, or lose that person completely. And I don’t know what I should do. Or who I am for that matter. Because I realize that sometimes you have to change yourself, to look at the person who you used to be and remember the person who you wanted to be. The person who you meant to be. The person who you needed to be. The person you are. Or you are not…
And if you are on a crossroad wondering which way to take like I am, you are definitely looking back to all the years of a journey that has been yours. Remembering all your dreams, all your hopes and wondering where everything went wrong. Because none of those dreams turned out to be the way you wanted them. And you are disappointed and maybe scared. You are in darkness. And even though you keep in mind this “No regrets”-policy, you do regret that things are not as simple as you have always dreamt them to be.
But you try not to be bitter over all these disappointments and failures, over pain and sadness. And you learn to let go of the past, and you realize that not every day has to be sunny, that rains and storms are inevitable too.
And you stand there in the darkness wondering who you are and what to do and where to go. And you don’t know if you want to go anywhere at all. But you know that it is just a darkness of despair and it eventually will fade away. Because it is only in the black of the night when you can see the stars. And these stars will always lead you back home.
Where your place is.
Where you are you.
Sometimes I feel my whole life is a dream. And then I hope whoever’s dream it is they are enjoying it.
comment due ... thinking :D
ReplyDeleteCheers!!!
dont think for long, Ankur!! Sometimes thinking kills :P
ReplyDeletethats a nice line about your whole life being a dream!
ReplyDelete**Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things… Maybe only losing yourself is worse. I feel I am losing both.
hmmm, in the end you find back that sweet strong girl you really are. Everybody does. And no one else deserves it better than you do! :)
The part about travelling alone? thats a lesson i have learnt too!
Whatever it is thats bothering you girl. time is the oonly answer i can think of!
Its been so long since you wrote something this personal!
*bigggg hug*
love,
akki
wow, deep and reflecting one, zulie... like the way u sketched ur life... should we find the person once we are? or should we strive to evolve to the new one every time, every day? i think i will opt for the second.... well, i dont know.. after a heavy days wrk, my brain is too mudled to think adn post a comment for a heavy post like this.. :(
ReplyDeleteWooow..that was a nice post....It made me feel u've had sad n happy times but u are not gonna give up and that ur a fighter - This is just my perspective after reading the post.I'm sorry if thats not wat u intended to convey!
ReplyDeleten u sound like u don't care if its ur dream or sum1else's dream....all that u care is for the dream to be nice..thats a new thot...n i actually like it when i think over it.
Good Luck gurl...Retain the faith! Everything will fall in place soooon!
BTW..i love this template.makes me want to keep coming back...n yayeeeeee I'm able to comment!
And, im so loving the photos!
Make me ponder, just like the rest..you are an adorable friend, at the end of the day, you always have a gr8 thought for others...that is very sweet of you my dear and I'm sure you are a strong gal....keep it up..
ReplyDelete..and I really think it will be really nice if the dreams could be made come true....
BTW I have tagged you with the simplest ever tag,hope you don't mind yea
Have a gr8 weekend and TC my dear.Keep smiling yea.Muahhs.
you have more or less in one post summed up the feelings i have been having over the last few years... mine were initially brought on by a period of grief,, but evolved quickly into loss and self loathing... i can honestly say i feel the veil at last has lifted,, but i am still very much in the dark,, as i have no idea where to go from here...
ReplyDeletethis was an excellent post.. i am so glad i added your blog to my reader sometime ago,, as had i missed this post,, i would have missed out on something very important to me...
A breath taking post!
ReplyDelete***"On the Way Back to Myself"
The title of your post makes much sense. I guess this itself is a journey , a new entry to starting back @ 1 once again. Re-living that person within you.:) It doesn't happen immediately but gradually. It doesn't always have to be the same type of person that you once were. But the real nature of yours within will definitely live. And the new person together with it will be stronger and more wiser than ever. At least this is what i gather from my experience.
I have walked on this road before where i have felt lost both ways. took me a while to find some sunshine to grace.
And now LadyB, I am on the way back myself. Going a little further each day. A new day definitely awaits.
I was shot in the heart when i first lost my way. I think its when healing within takes place. New things starts to embrace.
Do it in ya own timing. not too long, not too far. but u will find da day.;)
I hope i didn't speak too much.:P
Have a good weekend B!:D
Cheeries!
Such an honest post !
ReplyDeleteI often wonder the same, whether the person that i am this day is what i originally was and would like to be, or is it better this way.
We severe ties, some leave us, some we leave...and then we wonder. Is this right ? should we go back. Or is it better this way....
As for me I never get the answers...
I loved your lines,
**Sometimes I feel my whole life is a dream. And then I hope whoever’s dream it is they are enjoying it.**
Beautifully put.
Have a nice weekend.
:)
nice post ! lena that is how i feel....too! I just hope that nothing is bothing you?
ReplyDeletei read the first line, and i knew what followed next.....it wasnt even like i was readig.....it was just like, as if i was thinking loud......
ReplyDeletei just wish, the prson who is dreaming, let him dream forever......
I sometimes wonder, its who u keep thinking or me who keeps thinking that i m thinking... :D
ReplyDeleteLife is a dream, it is... beacuse if it will come to a standstill, i dont think, there will be a purpose to live.
**But if you lose reasons for the journey itself it is much more cruel.
ya it is, sometimes, but
1) when someone knows that there arent reasons, then u r back again...
2) journey is always more important than to know where to reach, coz destinations keep changing, paths keep swinging, but journey is a process for ever.
Do you really think you are travelling alone??? I guess NO, we have the world with us, may be not the people but we still have the world, as you yourself said in the end, the stars show you the path...
Sometimes there are reason good enugh for ppl to leave or to lie, may be we have to accept it in the end. Coz not accepting it, will take our lives to nowhere, and i know that... :)
**Because once you lose yourself you always have 2 choices – to find that person you once have been, or lose that person completely. And I don’t know what I should do.
I always keep a thin line of difference in words, wat ppl call a change, sometimes i call it a developement, and coz we r human, i guess this is bound to happen... so i only agree with u on this, partially...
**if you are on a crossroad wondering which way to take like I am
have u seen a map very carefully and noticed... whichever way u take can eventually lead u to the destination, u want to reach to...
sometimes u choose different paths, sometimes u stay somewhere and sometimes u take a shortcut, but taking a different path can still lead u to where u wanted to be.... accepted with the fact that the time given or taken may be also different.
**But you try not to be bitter over all these disappointments and failures, over pain and sadness. And you learn to let go of the past, and you realize that not every day has to be sunny, that rains and storms are inevitable too.
you make perfettt sense with this... :)
**Sometimes I feel my whole life is a dream. And then I hope whoever’s dream it is they are enjoying it.
hehe... noone enjoys it, its just a short lived pleasure for some...
Enjoy your Dreams... and make them count!!!!
Cheers Butterfly!!! :)
*Hugz*
P.S. if thinking would kill someone then i think we will never have the population problem :P :D ;)
Was in office yaa, so sorry, didnt want to reply from there, coz i never wanted it to be half hearted :)
HI B,
ReplyDeleteMe thinking too.....don't know what to write :P
there is urdu proverb... but i fink i better give its translated version... :P
ReplyDeleteI walked and walked on the desert alone..people joined me and soon it became a caravan..
so it is better to start the voyage then wait for the caravan to form because wen u live ur life ..u and only u is living it.. so we are all alone.... :)..
and wen u r in a crossroad..and u think about ur past and found it all gloomy...think ur past shapes up ur future..if its gloomy it only means that u r completing ur quota of sadness so that u can have a better future..
one more translated Bengali proverb for ya...
judi tor daak shune na aashe tobe ekla cholo re..
if nobody comes on ur call then walk alone...
Zulie dear,
ReplyDeleteIf life is a dream....dream your way through as sometimes, dream inspire us to make it happen in real life....
Akki, dear, it has been a long since i felt so bad that i needed to write something that much personal. But it worked, things are back on track right now :)
ReplyDeleteheavy post, Anoop, ehh? :P
ReplyDeleteAnyways the choice is really complicated to make, i guess only time can tell what is the right path :)
Pavi, you know everything really fell into right place already and i am happy about it :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you got the message right, i never give up, no matter how bad things might be :)
Thanks for complimenting template - took me a long time to finally design the one i stick to :)
Noushy, dear, thanks a lot for these supportive words :)
ReplyDeleteSuch lovely comments help me go through no matter what because i know i have support :)
Will do the tag once i am back to regular writing :)
Paisley, i am glad i could make some sense at least to someone with this post :)
ReplyDeleteEven if you are in dark, there is always light near the shadows, one just should find powers within to see it :)
Amy, your comment made so much sense and you could have spoken longer, i dont mind ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot, girl :)
Thank you, Cinderella!
ReplyDelete**We severe ties, some leave us, some we leave...and then we wonder. Is this right ? should we go back. Or is it better this way....
As for me I never get the answers.
Maybe we are not supposed to know the answers?
Take care, girl :)
thank you, Kaylee. I am fine now dear. Whatever bothered me, it is almost gone by now.
ReplyDeleteHope you are fine too, sweets :)
@ A new philosopher:
ReplyDeleteseems like you were thinking my thoughts :P Maybe sometimes at some stages some people do share some similar thoughts :)
Ankur, finally me here to reply to your comment :D Still thinking if you are thinking? or maybe thats me who is thinking that you are thinking?
ReplyDelete**journey is always more important than to know where to reach, coz destinations keep changing, paths keep swinging, but journey is a process for ever.
I didnt say journey is not important, it is, it is everything we have got, destination does not matter. I only said that if we lose our reasons for journey, nothing ever makes sense.
**Do you really think you are travelling alone??? I guess NO, we have the world with us, may be not the people but we still have the world, as you yourself said in the end, the stars show you the path...
the world is not travelling with me, it is witnessing me on my way. And well, i am not alone. What i meant to say is that even if people are together with you, support you, love you, care about you, it is not for a lifetime, in the end you travel alone. Because in the end, it is your journey, they have their own :)
**have u seen a map very carefully and noticed... whichever way u take can eventually lead u to the destination, u want to reach to...
sometimes u choose different paths, sometimes u stay somewhere and sometimes u take a shortcut, but taking a different path can still lead u to where u wanted to be.... accepted with the fact that the time given or taken may be also different.
how do you know where you are supposed to be. Thing is that whatever path you take you will eventually reach destination but then depending on the path taken you reach it as one person or another...
** you make perfettt sense with this... :)
FINALLY!
** hehe... noone enjoys it, its just a short lived pleasure for some...
I do enjoy mine :P You better do the same with yours ;)
Thanks for longggggggggggg comments, and lucky we are that thinking doesnt kill anyone :P
awww.... Meghna, you can always think later, girl :P
ReplyDeletegood that you gave translated version, Sourish!
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, you said the same what i meant to say. In the end we are all alone because we all have our own journeys :)
Farah, agree with you completely, i will just dream it through and live my life the best way possible :)
ReplyDeleteVery wise post dear!Reminded me of the rhyme...
ReplyDelete"Row row row a boat...
...Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream!" :)
Be happy always Sweetu.Hugsss
"Because it is only in the black of the night when you can see the stars. And these stars will always lead you back home."
ReplyDeletethere u said it all...
very beautifully expressed post...thats all i'll say :)
Hi! Im new to your blog.. and reading this post makes me anxious for the next..
ReplyDeleteI like the ending point here, about the stars leading you home. This resonated with me. I've felt this way myself, but fortunately not in quite a long time.
Nice photos too!
Looking forward for more!