Sounds of Pain

It’s amazing if not ridiculous how one moment you are so completely blissfully happy and then in the next one everything is falling apart. You are out there, all alone wondering what the hell just happened and how come you are in the middle of this.

There is no answer to this, don’t even try it. Just a waste of time. 

Sometimes things happen.

No reason.
No explanation.
They. Just. Happen.

Nobody asked your permission for them to happen. Nobody offered you an alternative. Some things just happen this way. I guess we will never learn to accept them, to respect them, to believe they are for the best. Because probably they are not. I am even sure they are not for the best. How can it be possible that something that drains you of your strength, of your emotions, of your happiness – how come something like that can be for the best?

Yes, things like this change us. But do they make us stronger? Do they make us better? It is a common knowledge that they do. But I can’t see it this way. I just can’t. Someone wisely said that strength is nothing more than how well we hide our pain. And some of us have become really good at this.

It doesn’t mean those people aren’t hurt.
It doesn’t mean they moved on.
It doesn’t mean they are as happy as we see it.

We are what we pretend to be. And people see us as we want them to see us.

If you see someone cheerful all the time it doesn’t mean that person isn’t hurting from inside.

It doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t cry in the nights when they stop pretending.
It doesn’t mean you know that person.
It doesn’t mean anything.
It doesn’t mean anything at all.

Some emotions are just silent this way. It’s hard to hear caring – it’s really feeble, and sometimes we miss it by a heartbeat. We forgot what the sound of true love is. And we definitely don’t know anything about pain. It doesn’t shout these days. It lives a very quiet life, on the inside of a human soul.

Wounded souls, injured happiness, lost joys – if you don’t see them, it doesn’t mean they are not there. They just don’t make a lot of noise. And even memories tend to fade.

Our brain does a great work by blocking the pain and turning off the sounds. But eventually this well-developed system fails and you can see (or rather hear) what is there on the other side of the barricade you so conveniently built for yourself. And you definitely don’t like what you hear. Because finally you notice that pain isn’t silent. It shouts at the top of its voice. And you realize that there are many shades to it.

You can hear screams of pain, weeps of anger, roars of disappointment, wail of anguish…

At some point you wish you were deaf. These agonized cries remind you of who you are, or who you had used to be before you started to pretend that you are okay. Because truth be told we are never okay. We are never fine. We are just comfortable enough with adjusting.

The truth is, life hurts. Not always. And not necessarily all the time. Not for everyone, either.

But life hurts.

More often than not it really does. And at some point we are bound to hear pain screaming. And at some point it will twist our soul, torture our body. We would trade anything for anesthesia. But there is none that works. Nothing can abate that pain. You can’t just close your eyes and shoo it away. Oh, you wish… But that’s not how it works.

Sometimes it just hurts. That’s life. It’s real and it does hurt. But it’s kind of everything we have. Though you can always pretend to be deaf and disregard the cries of your soul as if they are not yours. It doesn’t make you stronger, but probably it makes you more human.

There is nothing wrong with being weak. At least for some time. Then you can again pretend to be strong.

People will believe you.
They will.
They always do.