Love: Conceptual and Operational

Here I am on a very normal day with normal feelings and yet not quite normal. Technically speaking it is a very normal day, I cannot stop thinking about her and hence it is getting to me that is why I will have to pour.

I haven’t had the opportunity to play me lately. It is not the faking that I am up to, but I am at the verge of thinking, what is it that I really want her to know that she will come running and take me away. Somehow I miss something or someone terribly in my life.

Everyday when I wake up. I try to tell myself, tomorrow will be a much better day. I still dream and I still believe in those dreams. It will never end, it is just like my faith in the unseen God.

Love is religion for me. I am actually very religious in terms of my belief. A staunch believer of my own faith. I believe that love will find its course if it is meant to be. If not, then it is totally God who has decided the other way. You and me, we can love what we love and believe in having it one fine day. I believe most are clueless to the reality of love though. Love is not a picture of out of the cinema screen purring of happiness and happily ever afters. Love has its parallels. To love someone is a blessing in hand and a challenge in another. Sometimes it is difficult to love because your heart is just not ready or maybe the person is not The Person. And sometimes we are desperate to love and we try to give in to whatever comes in our way. To take on the challenge of love is not about getting someone to love us. It is rather about whether are capable to continue loving through the good and the bad, in order to unveil a love so great.

I am breathing for that one fine day when love and the person whom I feel the love for fall into place. But the fact is I don’t have a direction, the direction to her heart. I am waiting endlessly and I will wait because that itself is a purpose not many of us recognize. I have the picture of the charming, witty and handsome man and I fit perfectly in her embrace.

I do picture a love filled tomorrow. A dream where I make my man the happiest. A dream where I give and whether or not I get anything in return, I am dedicated. And yet I dream on. The way he looks at me, makes him all the more handsome.

Everything has a purpose. The image in my head and the words of my prayers, all have a purpose.

Love I have realized isn’t always about getting what you want. Sometimes it is love in just giving it away. There is a lot of thought I have given to aspects in my life. My heart tells me things my eyes cannot see. It is entirely God willed which path I take or you take. Rest assured we do get to where we are destined.

Keep your hopes high and keep love alive.

One day you will realize how and what and why…

That day you will complete the definition of the present situation. That day you will have answers to all that you have been looking for.

*caressing my neck [I think I need a massage, ah that man in my head just provided that too ;)]

The green pastures of my life are yet green. I won’t lie, I am looking for something. We all are looking for something. What I am looking for isn’t necessarily materialistic or flesh. Definitely I want peace and I am looking for that peace, in his eyes and in his heart maybe.

There is a sketch… I always go back to it whenever I feel peace draining out.

There is a house. Not too big, not too small. Just the right size where comfort dwells. There is a wife, a husband, and three kids. It has been ten years of their marriage. They were not strangers when they married. But she had loved him ever since she knew him. Their togetherness was a miracle which happened. None of them showed it off.

The routine has been all the same for ten years. He is an ambitious man. He wakes up early mornings, when she wakes him up with the first kiss of the day. For a moment he just pretends he is asleep and when she gets on him and clips his arms, he smiles at her, his first for the day. Two minutes he lazily looks at her. Two minutes they exchange good mornings. One minute she lets him play with her. ‘It is time!’ she says and he gets up to head for work.

The first call of the day comes from him. It is exactly 11:00 a.m.

“I have a meeting but I think I will miss you.” She smiles at his fondness. “You will not, you will work,” of course he knows, they both know but random 3 minutes just foolish talk.

At 2:00 p.m. she calls him. “Had lunch?”
“No! Waiting for you to get my lunch box.” He is his usual sarcastic.
“I am on my way.” She plays along

“Get me something good will you, I am so bored of your regular cooking.” He complains

“Yes your Highness.” She smiles
“See you then.” And he hangs up.

She sits for a while thinking how blessed life is. He picks up his cell-phone and sends her a text, ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

At 5:30 p.m. the phone rings again.
“are the kids home?” he questions.
“yes and they just woke up.” She adds in
“you should cut down on their nap.” He suggests

“I am trying to, they are kids.” They both know they want to raise reasonable kids.

“do I have to get anything on the way back?” he inquires.
“not anything as yet, will text you if I remember anything.”
“sure. See you in another hour.” He hangs up

6:30p.m. the car screeches in the driveway. “Kids, your dad’s home.” The kids are taught to leave everything and come greet daddy whenever he steps in. his daughter is his favorite. She is the eldest. After a few moments of reunion, he steps in to change.

“It is tea-time with daddy.” She announces and they all come around the dining hall.

Each one of the kids has a story to tell. He isn’t really listening but he is still attentive. He eyes his wife, who is smiling at everything her kids have to say. She is proud of their kids and he is proud of her. He places a hand on her hand and says, “thank you.” She smiles at him.

“Okay kids, back to study.” It is 7:00 p.m.

He steps into the t.v. room, while she clears up after them. He likes his t.v. time and looks forward to his shows. She clears up and greets him with a cup of coffee at 8:30p.m. He smiles at her and she smiles back.

They both know that words aren’t always important. She sits to watch what he is watching. “Any movie tonight after the kids hit bed?”

“I have a couple of dvds, will pick something.”

9:30 sharp, the kids are suppose to hit bed. Dinner served by 9:00 and pack up is a must before 10:00. Prayers are a must. They all have been trained.

At 10:00 he puts in a movie show. “Ticket for two” he winks at her. She brings herself to sit right above him. He likes to make himself comfortable on the floor. The couch is all hers. They taunt, they tease and they have fun. They forget they have kids…

Going to bed together has been mutual. She makes sure he never feels left out. She loves him like she did from when she did.

They cuddle in bed together. There is serious and non serious conversation. She takes no woes to bed; he has no issues with anything but the pillow.

The few moments that they are with each other is an enough reason for their togetherness. They have no qualms about being perfect for each other and the perfection of their life.

* * * *

This may all be a dream in the world we live in. but I hope to live this dream one day. I did hope for that world to be in my ex-marriage, but since it came plummeting down in no time, I haven’t lost the courage to dream of the impossibility. To date I dream. And I am not ashamed.

Love is a great thing to accomplish. And great things are accomplished through vision, preparation, motivation, struggle, determination, and a love so fierce that anything is possible. To love is to face the things you hate, to hate is the motivation to break down the things that stand in the way of a love so great.

Like I always say. If it is meant to be, if it is God-willed. It will happen. The wife in the dream in me. The husband is the one who I would love endlessly, no ifs and buts, just unconditional love.

His reason to come home to me from work would be me and my reason to wait for his return would be him. Life will be simple. But it will be peace. There will be peace, InsyaAllah…

I dream a dream to dream forever and always. No strings attached.

Desert me wretched loneliness And bring me back my love, For he and I have parted… The skies up above.