I remember when you butterflied me...

I remember when you butterflied me. It was a beautiful day, was sunny and warm. I remember all those words which had never become a one single act. I remember all those promises which made my heart beat fast, you didn't keep any of them. I remember your eyes, that time I had no idea they were full of fears. I still remember you, after all this time I remember your laugh, your smile.

I remember all those nights when I was thinking of you if you were thinking of me too. I remember those pangs of guilt "wasn't I good enough", I remember our conversation and then I was torturing myself "why I even did say that?". I remember our last goodbye, you knew it was the last one, I thought it meant "we'll see tomorrow". I remember all those days when I needed you badly and you were away or maybe with someone else. I remember the pain you made me to feel. I remember my lonely bed. I remember too the first day without you.

I remember also the day when I realized you won't come back. I remember I felt such an anger, then it was disappointment, then I felt hopeful "I thought that if I change a bit, she might come back" - how silly it sounds??? For a long time I was full of hope that, this break up was a huge misunderstanding, that we are meant to be and we will be together soon. I felt like you really stole me heart.

I was so silly to even think of you, I was so silly to dream of you, I was so silly to still want you.
"You aren't here anyway and crying just makes me feel stupid. And there's nothing I can do."

I am awaken now. In one moment, after an unexpected wind - everything was gone. You did right thing by leaving me then, I know you deserve a small part of me. You motivate me and guide me in a moment when I felt lost.

A couple of days ago I heard "You don't deserve a woman who doesn't deserve you, you deserve much more than that". Now I am pondering why I was keeping so strongly on thinking of her, why I was suffering, when I wasn't able to even think of being with someone else.

Sitting on my bed I realized, I was not ready to let go of her, but I also realize there's nothing I can do to mend the broken love and friendship. As much as I want to hold on to it and find a way to reach out, it seem impossible to do so. As hard as it is, I will learn to let go, for she deserve so much better then me.





Than I remembered her last text "Stop contacting me"


I hope that life is treating you well my Darlings.